Almost a month has passed since Misha’s death, but in my mind it feels as though this is some kind of delusion: in a moment, everything will rewind and replay. I can’t believe that what comes next for me is a long life without Misha, without his smile, without him hugging the kids before bed. Tor said, “I really wish I could hug Papa. I wish I could hug him, but Papa is not here….”
I am very grateful to everyone who has written to me and these are hard days; I read and cry, cry and read, but I am thankful for all of your support, for all of the beautiful messages I received about Misha, and for your love for him.
It’s impossible to explain who Misha was for us: for his family, for me, and for the kids. We always laughed and talked with him, and we had an incredible connection and a deep love. We thought we could overcome all difficulties as soon as we were together. It was sparkling happiness to be with Misha. His love, kindness, humor warmed us all and brought out the best in us.
I truly believed, truly never doubted even for a moment, that we will save him. We all believed it… These last few months, when we launched the campaign, were very special for Misha. Things were very hard for him; he was struggling physically, and he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t do the things he used to do. His body refused. But, somehow, his spirit didn’t notice, and not only did he never complain, but he found the strength to support us and smile and feel joy with us. All of the love that he felt through that campaign made him so happy. We read your messages, your supportive words. We reconnected with people from his life who he had not spoken with in many years, and we met new people who were just extraordinary. He didn’t have time to express what we felt from all of you, and how much you supported us. He thought he would have more time.
I cannot say it as well as he could , but all of you should know: you made him so happy in his last days, so grateful, and so feeling the fullness of life and understanding that there is incredible kindness and love in this world. It EXISTS!